You Are More Than Just a Mum: Unlearning Who You 'Should' Be and Embracing Who You Are
Motherhood is beautiful—but let’s be honest, it can also be overwhelming, identity-shifting, and all-consuming. Somewhere between the nappy changes, school pickups, and mental load of family life, many women begin to ask the same quiet, soul-searching question:
Who am I now?
The truth is, you’ve always been more than "just" a mum. But in a world that often reduces women to their roles, titles, or what they can do for others, it’s no wonder so many of us lose sight of the full, vibrant, evolving human we are beneath it all.
We believe in something radical: that your identity deserves to be nurtured, explored, and celebrated at every stage of your life. Whether you’re a brand-new mama, deep in the trenches of toddler chaos, watching your kids leave the nest, or rediscovering yourself after divorce or a major life shake-up—you are still YOU. And it’s okay if that version of you is constantly changing.
Identity Isn’t Lost—It Evolves
Here’s the thing: you didn’t lose yourself in motherhood. You evolved. You became someone new—someone with more depth, more love, more complexity. And as life moves forward, your identity will keep shifting, shedding old layers and embracing new ones.
That’s not a crisis. That’s growth.
Let’s Talk About the 4 Types of Women in our
Not Just A Mum Community
We’ve seen time and time again that this identity evolution isn’t one-size-fits-all. That’s why Not Just A Mum speaks to women across four key life stages:
1. The First-Time Mum
She’s new to the role. Everyone tells her it’s going to be amazing (and it is), but no one warned her how confronting it can be to suddenly feel like her own wants, needs, and hobbies don’t fit into the picture anymore. She hasn’t lost herself yet, but she might be starting to wonder where she went.
2. The Mum in the Trenches
She’s deep in the day-to-day. She hasn’t had a hot coffee or solo toilet trip in years. Her conversations are mostly about snacks and screen time limits. One day she looks in the mirror and realises: she doesn’t even recognise the woman staring back. That realisation is both painful and powerful.
3. The Empty Nester
Her kids are grown, or mostly self-sufficient. The house is quieter. Her calendar suddenly has space, and she’s asking: What do I do now? Who am I without the constant caregiving? She wants to reignite the dreams she put on pause.
4. The Woman in Transition
She’s just come through something big: a divorce, a milestone birthday, a career change, a mental health wake-up call. She feels unsteady, but hopeful. It’s time to rebuild, and this time, she wants to do it on her terms.
Whichever category you fall into—or if you’re somewhere in between—your identity is still valid, still worthy, and still yours.
Unlearning Who You Were Told to Be
So many of us were raised to be good girls, good mums, good wives. We were told not to be too loud, too messy, too ambitious. We were taught to be selfless to the point of invisibility.
But what if we unlearned all of that? What if instead of shrinking, we allowed ourselves to expand?
Your identity is not just your roles. It’s your passions. Your quirks. The things that light you up. The dreams you scribbled in old notebooks and the hobbies you haven’t tried yet. It’s the version of you that dances in the kitchen when no one’s watching.
You Are Allowed to Want More
Wanting more doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you human.
You can love your kids and still crave solo time. You can adore motherhood and still long for creative outlets, new friendships, exciting challenges. You can be a devoted mum and a whole damn person.
So, What Now?
If this has you nodding, crying, or exhaling in relief—you’re not alone. You’re exactly where you’re meant to be. The NJAM community was made for you.
We’re here to help you:
Explore new hobbies and interests (our Hobby Hub is a great place to start)
Connect with others on the same journey in our Facebook Group
Rebuild your confidence (feel free to slide into our DMs)
Reclaim your time and space
Remember the you beneath the mum
You’re not just a mum. You never were. And the best part? You get to choose who you become next.